Holiday Road…the Jamie Monologues

John Hughes died yesterday morning.

Many people commented how his movies were such a part of their 80s experience. I think it was more for me.

So many of the words he wrote play over and over in my head. In some cryptic mental massage.

“Class.. Anyone, Anyone? Something-d-o-o economics. Voodoo economics.” Yes, I often ask myself a question followed by “Anyone? Anyone?” Just wish Ben Stein voice would then tell me the answer. This hasn’t happened much.

Then Vacation. How many times has..

“Roll em’ up”

“But Daddy says I do it best.”

“That hurt, Ellen.”

“That’s nothing to be proud of Russ” ……….”50 yards.”

“After the baby comes, Eddie says I can quit one of my night jobs.”

“I’m not sure of his exact height and weight. All I know is that the man was a saint with children and a genius with food additives ”

“Real tomato ketchup, Eddie? … Oh, nothing but the best.”

“You didn’t order the Metallic Pea?”

And my personal favorite .. though it is usually me who is going away. “Is that a real gun, Mom? I don’t know, Rusty, but when this is all over, your father may be going away for a little while.”

Last night we pulled out Planes, Trains and Automobiles. I remember watching that movie the first time in a crowded theater and laughing so hard I lost my breath. I started to hyperventilate.

But watching again last night I was caught by the scene when they were in hotel room. First I was dying laughing at Steve Martin’s monologue…

“You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You’re a miracle! Your stories have NONE of that. They’re not even amusing ACCIDENTALLY! “Honey, I’d like you to meet Del Griffith, he’s got some amusing anecdotes for you. Oh and here’s a gun so you can blow your brains out. You’ll thank me for it.” I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They’d say, “How can you stand it?” I’d say, “‘Cause I’ve been with Del Griffith. I can take ANYTHING.”You know what they’d say? They’d say, “I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Woad.” It’s like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn’t pull it out and snap it back – you would. Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! And by the way, you know, when you’re telling these little stories? Here’s a good idea – have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener!” (Emphasis my favorite lines.)

Then in the next moment John Candy standing there in those huge, goofy pajamas..

“You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I’m an easy target. Yeah, you’re right, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you… but I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings. Well, you think what you want about me; I’m not changing. I like… I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. ‘Cause I’m the real article. What you see is what you get.”

And I have tears in my eyes.

That was when John Hughes was at his best. Turning a mocking laugh into an emotional tear for the brunt of the joke.

Thank for the laughter. Thanks for the humanity. And thanks forever for this….