Infertility. Daffodils. A thanks of sorts.

Hi ho –

Sitting here on a cloudy with rain threatening day at the beach.

I should be out exercising but I’m sitting here, looking at the water, pecking away at my loyal laptop.

Thinking about dear Lizzi who had a rough Mother’s Day in the UK. I remember those Mother’s Days. Infertility is a bitch. And those who know me, know that I don’t use that word lightly.

I HATE that word.

But as much as I hate that word in its derogatory, flippant put-down way I hate infertility more.

So much more.

I hate the pain that it cause me. I hate it and the stabby-in-the-flesh pain it internally causes other women.

But even in the midst of great, disconnected pain, there are things to be thankful for. Many things in my life, so there for . . .

Ten Things of Thankful this week.

10.   I’m sitting here on a cloudy, rain-threatening day at the beach. My favorite place in the world.

I asked hubby last night, if looking out at a perfect view of the mountains would be the same as training your eyes on a nothing but a horizon filled with water and sky. We both agreed, for us, water trumps mountains.

9.      Sun is in forecast for tomorrow.

:), :), :).

 

8.  Children. And parents.

Children who hear the siren’s call of a pool even in cool, damp weather. Florescent goggles, florescent noodles and florescent laughter.  And the moms, dads and significant others (baby sisters, jolly aunts and grandparents) who will sit bundled in a towel watching over them like a mother osprey.

Though that is quite the silly simile because a dang osprey would notice nothing wrong with sitting in the damp, cold with scratchy twigs under her beautiful feathered bum while watching her kiddies.

I just love ospreys, and eagles in general. So that forced metaphor will stay.

 

 

 

 7.   Peas as snacks. Have you tried these things????

 

 

I am a carboholic as in crackers and pretzels and rolls lathered with a winter’s coat worth of butter. So I’m trying to break my cracker habit and I found these peas.

Please.

These peas are soooo good,

 

6.   Our new drapes in our bedroom. I love them when they are open. 

 

  photo-5

 

 

 

 

5.     I love them when they are closed.  Thanks to the talented hand and eye of Jessica Anderson.

 

photo-7

 

I know, I know. They make our bed linens look like a crumpled bag on the side of the road but that’s a good problem to have. Or an easy fix anyway.

 

4.   My students.

 

 

3.  Yes, I said my students.

 

2.  I been leading a class on poetry at the local alternative school.

 

1.   It’s been wonderful. At a time I’ve needed wonderful. I’ll report later.

But being with these young minds and encouraging them to express emotions through the written word has awakened a poet on the inside of this body. Here’s something I came up with on a night I crept to my computer when sleep wouldn’t come.

 

Daffodils

Daffodils on the window sill.

So yellow. So hopeful.

Calling. Look at me. I’m here again. Another spring has sprung.

Another chance at life.

But has it?

The wind brings in a raging cold. Slaps your face like a tired mother whose children keep her up all night. Well the night that she has between her three jobs. Dare she slap at them? Her children? Her life?

I don’t have three jobs.

I have a war raging.

It is exhausting to beat yourself up – day and night. Day and night.

You would think with all this fighting, and I’d be tired.

I am.

I sleep.

Then I sleep not. I drag myself from the bed each morning to see daffodils fade away.

 

Ten Things of Thankful

 

 

21 Responses to “Infertility. Daffodils. A thanks of sorts.”

  1. Sarah says:

    Ah, but it’s the mountains for me. But I share your admiration for birds of prey. I think if I were to choose an animal to be, I’d choose eagle or hawk.

  2. zoe says:

    water every time! Poetry!? Jamie I didnt know this about you! Hey you want to guest bard on a friday some time? Lizzi and I have a blog for just poetry and on fridays are starting to add other poetry writing bloggers! Any time you want… contact me and we will set a time if youre game! We would adore having you!!!!! Ok… I love the bedroom! rumpled linens are more earthy… thats what I tell people and Im sticking to it! and the peas are to die for… they freeze dry edamame the same way if you can eat soy… very good as well..but I like the peas better!

    • Jamie Miles says:

      Zoe — I am surely the novice poet, but all this research I’ve been doing to encourage these beautiful youngsters along has inspired me. I mean how can you tell someone to lay their soul bare and not at least attempt it yourself. And sure I’d love to join your band.

  3. I love ospreys too… they’re amazing! And we’re with you (have had the same conversation) that oceans trump mountains. I have never tried the peas, but I want to, they sound amazing. Here’s to sunny and warmer days. We made it into the 50s today, woohoo!! And I went to walk on the beach for the first time this year. It was fabulous!

  4. Sandy Ramsey says:

    I agree…the water. Definitely the water!
    I love the drapes, open and closed. They look great! And the peas…I eat those like they are going out of style…LOVE them! I buy multiple bags of them at a time and try to keep them on hand. The best part, the kids don’t like them which means there’s a snack in the house for me when I want one. Oh yeah, and they keep me away from the Golden Oreos :)

  5. Kimberly says:

    Now I can’t even feel slightly bad for you since you are near a beach. If I got within a hundred yards of a beach right now, my nipples would instantly fall off. Lord woman…we still have snow…said every living Canadian.
    But yes, the sun is a glorious thing even during the winter…errr…spring…what season is it?
    I love your curtains.
    Well that sounded mildly dirty…
    No I really do. My husband has a weird hate for them so ours is just boring blinds.

    • Jamie Miles says:

      These new curtains have black out capability. We’ve always just had half the window covered. Now we might be able to sleep past 6 a.m. on a June Saturday. Hurrah!

  6. Jules says:

    Sitting here on this windy,sunny Madison morning doing my Priscilla Shirer Bible Study on Jonah and contemplating your blog…the ocean can be so terrifying (it certainly was for Jonah) but I absolutely prefer the water and the beach and the vastness, and I feel like it speaks to us! Then Priscilla brought me to this verse and it spoke …from the great book of poetry …the Psalms “Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all Your waves and breakers have swept over me.” Ps 42:7. James, I am sure you do some of your best “thinking” by the water…deep calls to deep. Can’t wait to hear more about your poetry class. Xoxo Jules

    • Jamie Miles says:

      Yes, Jules. Something about the endless enormity of it all. I love just looking at the water. But it can be terrifying too. God’s power revealed, you are so right.

  7. Considerer says:

    *hugs* Beautiful poem. And justly deserved strong words, my friend. Thank you.

    (water trumps EVERYTHING)

  8. Lisa says:

    Thank you for having a normal looking bed. I do not have 1 decorative pillow, etc. We get in and get out w/ no effort. To the Inlow’s, this is perfection.

    Infertility is a bitch with a capital B. I experienced for years the depths of its ache…we have 2 babes in heaven too.

    And we have Max and Jenna.

    So I am good.

    My cup runs over.

  9. Tricia says:

    Water trumps for me too. Love this list! Happy weekend!

  10. I don’t have a view of the water or mountains. Like to vacation either place! Next week it’ll be the water :). Loved your fluorescent feathery metaphor! My view in these parts are cornfields…bare at this moment.

    My daffodils are a ways from my house; so I don’t know if they’re peeking out of the ground yet or not. So look forward to their petals of sunshine! Remind me to plant crocuses this coming fall.

  11. Robbie says:

    I look forward to hearing more about your students & the class you’ve been teaching. I LOVE beach days…and wish I weren’t so far away from one.

  12. May says:

    Only a true wordsmith can turn a list into a poem.

    I am with you on vastness. It helps keep me humble. For me the water or the prairie will do equally well. But mountains make me claustrophobic.

  13. tiffani says:

    Love, love, love your daffodil poem. I can’t believe you are teaching a class on poetry, you never cease to amaze me. Your students are very lucky to have you! xoxo

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