Fashion Nonsense


12
Apr 12

Mirror, mirror on the wall — what’s the youngest haircut of them all?

“Mommy, you look young,” said my smiling 8 year old sticking his head over the car seat.

“I do?”

I knew getting my hair chopped was the right thing.

“Yeah, without your glasses you look about 24.”

“Twenty four? Do I really, my most favorite child of the moment?”

“Yeah —  well, you look 24 with wrinkly skin.”

*   *   *

Every child said my hair looked good.

 

My husband said he liked it too  – but he’d better since he was the one who’s been mercilessly lobbying that I cut it for weeks.

“You look more professional. Like a writer,” was his comment.

“What did I look like before?”

I will refrain from his exact wording but the image that came to mind was of a female Ernest Hemingway who had stumbled down the aisle way too many times.

Which I thought an accurate portrait of the angst-riden, gut-wrenching novelist that I am. (Well, without the novelist part.)

So 24? At 24, I was just finishing graduate school and realizing I didn’t want to practice law.

The farthest I’d run in my life was about four miles.

I was with my Johnny and my hair probably was the length that it is right now.

I might go shorter next time.

What about you? Long, short or are you like me — just depends on the mood?

 


21
Nov 11

Musing on a daughter’s honesty.

Today was one of those days.

I got dressed at 7 a.m. after a swim this morning and I was off to the races.

At 5:05 p.m, flying home from my daughter’s piano lesson…

 

“Mama. You’re too old to show your stomach.”

 

 

I knew exactly what she meant.

There was this part of my shirt that was cut out and showed the side roll of my ever-expanding hips.

Very discreet picture of the offensive shirt and skin.

 

She followed with, “You could get away with that if you were 19.”

Okay, Missy. I wasn’t trying to get away with or show anything.

It was an accident. I dressed so fast….I didn’t know. I was just happy to be dressed and on time to everywhere I needed to be today.

I only saw offending side hip-ish skin in the HUGE bathroom mirror of the office building at my Atlanta writing group meeting.

So anyone who saw me today.

I did not think I was 19.

It was an accidental style miscue.

Have you ever stepped out only to see yourself in the mirror and think…

I really hope know one thinks I think that I should be wearing this?


28
Oct 11

Musing on space alien hairdos.

 

I had to figure out how she did this hairdo.

I went to elementary school today and had lunch with my daughter. We saw Caroline Schlabach sporting this great look.

 

Hannah Kate and I went home and had tried to figure out how to get that cutting edge Halloween look for ourselves.

 


Don’t think we’ve quite got it.

 

Curses. I knew the day would come when my daughter would be a prettier space alien than me.

Has that day arrived for you?

 

 


24
Oct 11

Musing on Purple Hair. Some Folks Just Don’t Get It.

This morning before school the kids got out the purple hair spray.

“Can we put this in our hair?”

That was my 10 year old.

Then her seven-year-old brother wanted in on the purple action.

When they got home today, I asked what people thought.

My son.

“They thought it was stupid.”

What?

“They thought it was lame.”

What? Who are these non-imaginative fellow first graders?

“I heard them bragging all day long.”

Hmm. Not sure what verb he meant instead of bragging.

Snickering.

Joking.

Saying-ugly-things-that-provoke-his-mother-to-come-track-them-down-with-a can-of-pink-hairspray.

Where is your fun — o people of the first grade?

I found this on my refrigerator a little while back.

What else did they say? I said this searching for a kind word so I didn’t have to go up to Wal*Mart and spend another two dollars on a can of pink hairspray.

“Nice hairdo.”

Someone said that? Who?

“A hot lady.”

Normally, I hate with an abnormal passion the word “hot” when used as an adjective where words like “cute,” “attractive” and “Breck girl” could apply.

But today it was okay. Hot as an inappropriately-used adjective made me happy.

No. Some folks just don’t get purple hair.

Except me, my son and the hot-lady-first-grader of Morgan County Primary School.

What do you think of purple hair?


4
Sep 11

Muse on dressing for the Steeple People.

What to wear?  I gazed upon things worn a million times and a few things worn hardly at all — clothing too much evening wear for church wear.

It’s a line to never cross…especially as you age. You’re supposed to know what looks approproe for the Steeple People.

Of course, I was dressing for the Lord. But that wasn’t on my mind. I was late; mad I missed early church again and didn’t want to wear the same old thing.

So I  uncovered something older.

Digging deep I saw a skirt bought six years ago. But I ruined the silk blouse that went with it. (Careless dryer moment.)

Looking upon a shirt I never wear, it seemed to match the green in the skirt.

Must be Talbots. They have color themes each season.

Mother used to give me Talbots gift cards for presents. I assume this meant she didn’t think much of my fashion sense. And Talbots clothing is well-made, conservative and interchangeable — kind of Garanimals for adults.

Put skirt and blouse together, along with a necklace bought a half-decade ago. Threw on a thin belt from Target and black sandals.

The Steeple People loved my over-half-decade old outfit.

My gals in Sunday School gasped when I walked in. My first fashion gasp ever — in a positive way.

A friend stopped me and asked to borrow the “outfit” on a business trip with her husband.

Me and daughter and “outfit.” Daughter asked that I pose goofy. I didn’t.

 

 

  Photobucket

 

Don’t know what to make of this?

*  Clean out my closet to see what the heck is in there.

*   Rethink my fashion life as a Steeple Person.

*   Rethink this Talbots gift card thing.

How do you decide what you’re wearing for church?

 

 


1
Sep 11

Musing on Bloated Knuckles.

Last night while I slept, a very evil someone stitched an octogenarian’s hand to my left arm.

This followed closely on the heels of the revelation that Arnold gave me his creme-filled pumpkin abs.

When will the insanity end?

 *  *  *

Pudgy middle and Halloween hands aside, I’ve had bloated knuckles for weeks now.

This renders me completely unable to wear my 10th and 20th anniversary rings. (And I put in 30 years good behavior for those.)

*  *  *

I never remove my rings. Working in the garden, swimming laps, making sugar cookies, sitting in the car staring at the garage door for hours or drinking coffee.

The rings were dirty. I couldn’t get them off to clean. A jeweler friend said use Windex (or store brands work too — I unfortunately found out).

I cleaned those babies up sparkling good and….

There they stopped.

No amount of store brand window cleaner will get them over my huge knuckle.

The picture above looked so much like a trailer for Tales from the Crypt that I tried to hyper-extend my hand to simulate a million Botox injections in my palm.

 

This resulted in my hand appearing as a long dead armadillo in his final resting spot the shoulders of Highway 441.

I couldn’t even scare those rings over my bloated knuckle.

 

 

So here is what I’m stuck with…my wedding band.

 

Fat knuckles.

I mentioned this predicament to a friend after church and she said, “It’s horrible to get old isn’t it.”

Getting old?

Okay, it looks old — even my seven year old said it looked old. But do knuckles bulge with age?

Maybe all the weight-lifting I’ve been doing has been bulking up my knuckles?

Of course!

I’ve got muscles in my knuckles.

Any suggestions how to get those rings on?

 

 


6
Jun 11

Musing on shopping for sunglasses.

I LOVE shopping for sunglasses.

Nothing so cheaply bought can make me so happy.

Well, nothing I can think of at present.

They must have recently stocked the walls at Target.

I did have the children with me — so that cut down on how many different pairs I could try.

Gray, gold, shell, metal. white, pink.

Round, square, dinner plate sized or tapas. The only thing I’m not too keen about on me is anything cat-like. The ones that pull your eye upward.

Ick.

But after trying on lots, I got down to two pair.

And today I let my children pick the winner.

They’re perfect.

Until I lose them 10 3/4 days from now and have to go through the entire process again.


10
Apr 11

Musing on scary legs. Winter white legs.

I fell for the wear-black-leggings-to-workout-in trick. 

I knew my legs suffered by not being able to run for the last six months.

But I had gotten serious about weight-training and regularly attended spin class — at least once every three weeks. And they looked fine in exercise gear.

This weekend was the first really warm weekend. The kind that makes you rummage around and unearth articles of clothing you forgot existed.

I found a pair of shorts. They went on fine. They zipped up fine — which is always a relief. I looked down.

*Gasp.*

I walked…

SCREAM.

Parts of my leg did wiggly, jiggly stuff. Big Parts.

My skin was translucent — other than huge bruises.

Those damnable workout pants. They hold stuff in and smooth stuff out. Leaving you thinking things are fine. Thinking that you are doing better than average for a woman of your station in life.

Dear God in heaven…when did this happen? I had no idea things were so bad.

I need to be out on my bike – to firm and colorize legs. Who am I kidding?

Maybe I’ll just never look down again?

Yes, I’ll be so much happier if I never look down again.

I’ll fashion one of those collars they make dogs wear so they can’t scratch their ears — or bother body parts.

Looks like, it's been done before.

 


19
Mar 11

Musing on found money.

I was out walking on the beach — enjoying all the babies, dogs and tattos on ivory blotchy skin.

Then I looked down and saw

money.

I love to find coins. It’s an unexpected serendipity. I often thought I need to put every coin I find into a jar and then look what accumulated over a lifetime.

That never happened or will happen. But doesn’t take away the thrill of finding a shiny trinket that would buy 100th of a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup.

So when I looked down and saw a nickle and a penny — I was so excited — in an inside, keep it to myself because it would look odd to others kind of way.

I reached down to grab it and then noticed I was very near a group’s cooler. Not wanting to take anyone’s money I walked over and put it on the color saying, “I found this — could it be yours?”

“Oh..might be,” was the reply from the guy who glanced back a second then kept talking to the standing women with the tattoos swinging the beer can on her hip.

I kept walking.

He didn’t seem very happy about found money. Seemed like it was  a bother.

Someone hands you six cents and you don’t even look up.

Well, at the giver, he was looking at the woman in the Piet Mondrian bikini.

Maybe he’s more into Modern Art than money?


5
Mar 11

Musing on new shoes.

The little soccer player with Amanda.

My son needed new soccer cleats.

Another $20 gone because of the dog.

We went up to see Amanda up at Hibbets.

That wasn’t unsual. What was different was Daddy came with us.

Daddy decided to try some new shoes.

 

What can I say…my guy definitely marches to his own drum beat.

Yes. He did leave the house like this.

And he does like socks like that…he can’t do the completely hidden ones.

Don’t ask.

He said the Reeboks were fabulous and that I would give up my Nikes for them.

Never say never….

But with this never is on the tip of my tongue.