Any change in 2011? Musing on deep dark resolution evolutions.
Contrary to my husband’s view and honestly contrary to my own,
We can change behaviors.
But first we must change our thoughts.
That’s the really, really tough part.
Oh sure, at first it’s easy.
I will spread nothing but love, peace and joy to all those I encounter.
Then I come through the door with an armload of groceries to cook a fabulous-sit-and-talk-about-your-day meal for my family only to find my daughter heating a can of soup, my teenager polishing off half a meatloaf from night before and the youngest, well he’s nowhere to be seen. Seems last time anyone saw him, he was slipping Cinderella (the tortoise) in his book bag and heading for the door.
I’m sorry. I’m finding my 2012 resolution of becoming the High Priestess of Peace, Love and Joy utterly impossible to sustain for more than 30 minutes straight. (That’s if I didn’t encounter a human, then it drops to 30 seconds.)
So writing off of Mama Kat’s prompt, how did I do in 2011?
My big resolution was to change. I even wrote a column about it. One of the metaphors I used was being a middle-aged woman stuck with a bunch of high-waisted jeans in her closet. That seemed to be all that anyone took from the column.
Which was fine.
But I was serious about analyzing my behavior. Doing things that pushed me out of my comfort zone. Nothing crazy, nothing immoral, cruel or down-right stupid. (No matter what you say to me, jumping out of an airplane with a glorified cloth umbrella will always be stupid. )
So how did I do?
Did I CHANGE?
Yes.
Now, unfortunately is not dramatic tear down the old 60’s ranch and build a McMansion change. No, it was and is the kind of inward change not seen by the eye.
We have a history of buying old houses. When you buy a old house inevitably before you can redo kitchens, baths, all the wonderful things you can use and everyone can gape over — there usually is a lot of time and expense place on replacing wiring systems, plumbing, replacing all the crumbing duct work, new roof, air conditioning, insulation, repairing rotting wood and porches. Believe me. You can spend years and thousands of dollars rehabbing parts of your house that NO ONE will see.
But it’s necessary to make your home safe, temperature-controlled, energy-efficient and able to last another 112 years.
That’s the kind of change that I made in 2011. Changing the wiring of my brain toward positive energy, the holding of my tongue, the trying new things that scare me — but looking like it was no big deal. Saying positive little things to complete strangers even though at first it felt terribly odd.
Holding my tongue was big.
So I did keep my resolution somewhat — a change for the better down, deep inside.
What about you?
