Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction

Life in Madison / Running / Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction — No Comments
12
May 10

Madison in May. Just show up and turn in the flippin card.

: Son and mommy

Last Saturday morning before the Madison in May races.

It was early. Code for — that’s why I look so well, so like me early in the morning.

Hope those new iPhone cameras come equipped with lots of gels and filters. My older model did nothing to enhance my early morning appearance — for all my wrinkles magically fall out around noon.

This was before the 5K. Lots of people showed up for the 5K, mile Fun Run and 10K. My son ran the 5K, two little ones and dad ran the mile and I ran the 10K.

Now here are some pictures..and I am having trouble with my computer so that is why they are so huge.

This is my wreck of a desk. Look at my new coffee mug. Anyone that know me well, knows I have a billion coffee cups. But I didn’t have to buy this one. Here’s the best part.

Okay. That’s really large. But that’s okay.

This is the lesson. Just show up, run and turn in the flippin card. Lots of very cute women ran and walked the 5K. Not many women ran the 10K — as evidenced by my cup.

It was hot. When I rounded the corner of my in-laws, my husband said I didn’t look so good. I didn’t feel bad till I stopped — then had the “I’m going to vomit” feeling. I quickly looked for bushes. Seeing a clump behind the hardware store and made a beeline over there.

Then I filled out my card and handed it in — and up it went in the first spot in my age division on the board.

That was weird. But a good weird.

My son finished second in his age group and could have cared less. I had to get his mug.

But the best and biggest surprise of the day was my 6 year old. As I rounded the corner of in laws (the place where my husband saw me looking sickly) Joe held up a ribbon fluttering in the breeze. I thought surely that was a “thank you for participating” ribbon.

Later find out he finished third in the Fun Run. I was so worried he would lose interest during the mile that I asked my father in law to walk the race with him. My husband said once the race started, Joe took off running — and never stopped.

He carried it everywhere for the first four hours. Then it was lost.

But I still have the memory of seeing him holding up that ribbon — and thinking “What the heck, that looks like a ribbon?”

So sign up, keep running and turn in your card.

Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction — No Comments
23
Nov 09

What happened to Blueberry? An in depth photo essay.

My daughter had been after me for days.

“Clean Blueberry’s water. Clean Blueberry’s water.”

So last Tuesday I decided to clean Blueberry’s water. I poured out water into a jar then carefully dumped in Blueberry.

Then I went to work on his home. I took out everything…I left the gravel to soak in a very weak mixture of cleaning solution to get out the yucky rotten smell that gravel some times gets when exposed to air.

I put the bowl in the dishwasher along with all the fake seaweed and kelp.

Then after all washed sterile and clean I put fresh water in…and left it to rise to room temperature before releasing Blueberry back into his pad.

Remember how is was raining ALL day last Tuesday? Okay. It’s been raining all day, every day…but it was last Tuesday. As I ran out the door to exercise for the hour before school let out…in came two very wet cats.

An hour later I came home ready to transfer Blueberry back and….

Hmm. That's odd.

So I looked closer.

OMGOSH!!!!!!!!

Panicking…I checked the bowl…Not there…empty. I knew I had not transferred the Bluemeister yet.

Then I looked down and saw the…

What a way to go....

By this time it is 3 minutes past when I should have left to pick up the children. My stomach was sick. No time to go to Walmart and buy another Blueberry…..

HELP!!!

What could have happened? Then I saw….

UGH!

So now we have…

Strawberry Miles

Please tell me that someone else out there has done in a loved one….Or ever had an episode of Unsolved Mysteries unfold in your very own kitchen…

I thought this might make me feel better. Not so sure. But I am definitely not going to trust those kitties anytime soon. Strawberry I got your back.

RIP dear Blueberry. August 9, 2009 – November 17, 2009

Family / Free-for-all-Friday / Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction — 3 Comments
6
Nov 09

This wasn’t what they looked like in the catalog…

Me, on laundry day.

I really, really can’t stand to do laundry but it is a necessary evil.

EVIL.

No, it’s not evil per se. Honestly, I don’t mind the filling the washer, folding the warm dry clothes and putting them away. Okay, I do hate putting clothes away or taking them to my children’s room where they just sit because they don’t care to put them away.

What is evil is the incredible time suck doing laundry is!

One recent morning lifting clothes out of dry to fold, I picked up this little white cotton t-shirt. It was so deliciously warm. Holding it in my hands, I tried to figure out how to fold it. I couldn’t find the sleeves. But then I discovered what I thought looked sleeves were also what I thought was the neck opening to the wee crew of the t-shirt.

Was this some sleeveless 4T muscle shirt? If so,where was the neck opening?

For pity’s sake. The more I wrestled with the article of clothing, it became apparent it was…….

Not, mine. I Swear.

UNDERWEAR!

How on earth? It was a size 8. I surmised “it” was female for there were no openings up front. The clincher clue was that the brand tag on the inside read “Lollipop.”

From whence did this size 8, gargantuan pair of female “Lollipop” underwear spring forth?

First, ruled out two little ones. Just no way.

From there, I didn’t know. The pair must be somehow connected to my teenager rather than my husband. I hope. I think I hope? That evening, none of the main suspects were forthcoming with any answers.

Feverishly racking my brain, it came to me. Living in a century old house, they must belong to…a ghost.

A rather modest ghost.

But I like that. I shall fold up the “Lollipops” and put them on the stairwell sewell post sitting there ready for her this evening. She’ll appreciate having clean underwear after who knows how long. She must have been so desperate one night she threw them in the laundry pile.

I like that our ghost is into cleanliness and modesty.

Maybe there’s hope for the rest of us.

Have a great weekend.

Thought for the Day / Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction — No Comments
22
Jul 09

Genius Drive — A Street for the Birds..

Going for a run, I hit the sidewalk early before the sun got too high over treetops.

After 2.5 miles, going through lovely neighborhood, I looked and there on the sidewalk standing as pretty as can be, was…

A peacock like this fellow. Where was my phone? I needed to snap a picture. He was real. I think?

A woman dug around in her car on the driveway attached to the sidewalk where Mr. Prettybird stood. She didn’t seem to think it odd an exotic creature prissed in front of her house.

Winter Park is quite a beautiful spot.

Gorgeous lakes and homes, but peacocks as pets strolling the sidewalks? This is bit much…unless you know of Genius Drive.

Genius Drive is still a road. A road that now leads into a very expensive subdivision. Fourty years ago it was a road to a private home and park. To little girl me, Genius Drive meant only one thing.

Peacocks.

Dad drove us there. My memory drifts to wide blue lake, huge ancient oaks the tops dripping, no pouring Spanish moss.

The trees poured moss and peacocks. Peacocks perched in knarled trees limbs and rambled all over the sandy grass and brown-leaved ground. There was a magical white one. If you were really lucky some visits you saw him.

So peacocks still exist on Genius Drive. I guess? He seemed so real. His neck the most beautiful sparkly, irredescent blue — even the brightest of Walt’s Imagineers couldn’t create a mermaid’s tail of such wicked beauty.

I hope your day holds a sidewalk full of peacocks. It might, you never know.

Just keep those eyes open. And always take your phone on the those early morning runs. He was most definitely real.

I think.

Thought for the Day / Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction — No Comments
12
May 09

Clean Sweep by Lebron and Cavs. Just don’t Inhale.

“>

Q. Why is talc harmful?

A. Talc is closely related to the potent carcinogen asbestos.

1. Clearly with or without asbestos-like fibers, cosmetic grade talcum powder is a carcinogen.

Just breathe deeply. Have a great day…

Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction — No Comments
29
Mar 09

March Madness…And I break my standing rule re show-offs.

He’s not at his peak yet?

Okay. I’m not easily impressed with show-offs.

Show-offs usually annoy me.

But funny thing is, Lebron is not showing off.

Columns / Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction — 1 Comment
2
Aug 08

“Baby You Can Drive My Car. I Think…”

This doesn't usually happen when I turn into my driveway.

Womanhood comes with two perks, inerrant intuition and the prerogative to change one’s mind. A double-Xer myself, I firmly believe in both, especially after a recent turn of events.

Not long ago, my children and I left Bostwick after swimming at a friend’s pool. I chose not to pull my dry clothing over my wet bathing suit. The thought of sitting in a soggy bathing suit seeping dampness into perfectly dry clothes was downright awful – and I refused to experience such. Then intuition voice Number One whispered, “Grab a towel. What if you have to get out of the car?” So I threw a towel on the passenger seat if the need arose to stop on Highway 83 to change a tire or pick wildflowers.

On the trip to town, intuition voice Number Two began to insist, “Seatbelts.” Looking back, my four-year-old seemed to be standing in the rear of the car. I sternly asked if he was out of his belt. (He was prone to unbuckle.) “No!” was the reply. Voice Number Two constantly nagged at me, so I asked my daughter, “Hannah Kate, make sure Joe is buckled in.” She assured me that he was.

Turning into our driveway, another car struck our vehicle from behind. In an uncanny twist, our car lifted up, rolled and came to rest on its side in our driveway. Once we stopped, I looked back and thankfully saw my two screaming children dangling by their seatbelts unharmed. As I climbed through the topsy-turvey vehicle trying to calm them, a thought rocketed through my tousled brain…“Good grief, woman! You’re in your bathing suit!”

It might be dandy to expose your midlife torso and thighs on a beach packed with utter strangers and perfectly fine in a friend’s backyard, but neither of these scenarios depicted a middle-aged, bikini-clad mom emerging from the sunroof of her listing Suburban into chaos on her front yard. Every manner of rescue vehicle, dozens of concerned bystanders, police officers, firemen, streaming 441 weekend traffic, and me in a blue bikini. Finally, voice Number One reemerged amidst all the commotion and nudged, “Remember the towel. It’s in the front seat.” I stumbled over and grabbed Minnie Mouse, thankful to have her terrycloth-self to wrap around my body.

The sunroof/escape hatch.

Of course, I was most grateful that everyone involved was all right, and obviously, this was not a laughing matter. But I did learn a few very important things. Listen to your intuition. Double-check that seatbelts are fastened — no trip is too short. And I’ve changed my opinion on the sensation of pulling on dry clothing over a wet bathing suit. You know, it’s probably not such a terrible thing.

The flower of Midlife sifted through faith, family and heaping helping of southern fried chicken.