I’m not a gift person. This Christmas (by agreement) my husband and I didn’t exchange gifts. You know what?
I didn’t even notice. If I sit there with my coffee on Christmas morning watching others tear red wrapping paper covered in bubble-shaped penguins in a frenzy, I’m a happy gal.
Maybe this is not so altruistic? Maybe it’s that when I want something, I get it. No delayed gratification waiting for gifts for me. No sir.
Our Monday Listicle for this week: 10 “OH NO YOU DIDN’T” GIFTS.
I love animals. Then they poop in my house, need feeding, need soaking (which I did to Cinderella our tortoise yesterday). Please save the pet drama for someone else.
My dear husband has pushed me into the 21st Century and given me every electronic gadget I have. They crowd my time and free space in my brain. Try as I might, I’ve yet to figure out how to back up my gray matter on an iCloud.
Does this fall into pets? I don’t like cleaning water or worrying about the proper temperature. I am responsible for their entire existence.
Guess I’m glad that God doesn’t get so aggravated in keeping our universe going.
I guess I should move this in the realm of Valentine’s gifts.
7. Stuffed animals.
I didn’t care for these at age nine; I don’t at 49. And if you sent me a teddy bear in a teddy, let me just say hell hath no furry.
I’m giving up sweets for Lent and Ash Wednesday is the 13th.
I’m not against smelling nice, I just don’t wear it. My daughter comes in my room and puts on my perfume. When I remind her that I gave her an Aeropostale fragrance for Christmas, she replies that she doesn’t want to use hers up.
4. Anything work-related.
My husband does this — new lamp, new pens. Just stresses me out. I feel like I should be working.
This is a half truth. I love getting flowers. I don’t care for roses any more than other flowers so don’t spend the extra money. Honestly, I only like roses growing in a garden where I can bend down and inhale.
2. A Massage.
Joke. I would love a massage a week for an entire year. I just figured out the most absolute, most perfect gift for me ever.
1. Really, now all I can think about is gifts I would love.
1,200 thread count sheets
Nice, silky sleepy things.
Got it. Jewelry. Please don’t worry about spending any money on me with jewelry. I only really like the cheap costumey stuff.
Honestly Just worship me and I’m a happy girl.
That’s not too much to ask right?